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Dec 2022 Breathing Into and Through Frustration

Recently, I have experienced muscular back pain calling my attention to support myself in new ways. My intuition told me to look at my perception of what “support” looks like for me as it relates to steadfast “will”.  Not necessarily to break my will but more my willful insistence to believe untruths about myself. Things, ideas and notions that have been habitual that I have decided no longer serve a purpose.  I thank these servants for their patronage and I am willing to breathe deeply into a truer iteration of myself.

My intention for the breath session was TO BELIEVE MORE DEEPLY THAT I AM THE LOVE LIGHT AND LAUGHTER OF THIS LIFE. We all are but I want to get up close and personal with this!

As I breathe, Source takes me down a corridor in which I have no familiarity. I interpret this corridor as scary and dark . My body shakes with trepidation. I use my breath to soothe myself all the while feeling the discomfort of uncertainty.  My awareness opens a door and shifts to a particular life circumstance.

Some feelings flowing through me as a result of some thoughts and beliefs:

Do I  acquiesce and conform in this situation?
Everyone is doing and feeling the same thing except me.
Do I go with the crowd to fit in?
I love these people.
I don’t want to  hurt anyone’s feelings.
It’s such a delicate situation.
Do I trust in my own truth and make a heartfelt choice to support myself?
What am I  an emphatic yes to?

I eliminate the “story” i.e. people. places, things, words and circumstances and take the experience as delivering a message to me. I realize that saying “NO” to one thing is saying “Yes” to another.  I “feel into” the tenderness and sensitivities of the situation and  I wonder if my choice will cause any pain for another loved one. I contemplate  the notion that even my idea that I will hurt another person’s feelings is simply a passing perception that I am holding.

How anyone chooses to perceive anything is really only their business.

I chose me in the situation. I cry and feel a terrible sense of frustration coursing through my body. An old tug of war playing out inside my body (not my mind). The felt perception and sensational equivalent of self-doubt and cynicism coursing through my bones. I remained so still as I continued to breathe through it. It seemed unbearable to be with this embodied expression but I stayed the course and remained true to my intention. I am shifting a habitual response and creating a new  experience for myself….a new neural pathway of sovereignty.  My whole psyche recollects a time when it was completely unsafe to choose me and I thank it for it’s guardianship while bidding it farewell.

Thank you back pain for being the messenger …..

So that I might dive deep into the frequency of FRUSTRATION, POWERLESSNESS and HELPLESSNESS .

So that I might be with these energies just as they are

So that whatever illuminations want to shine might have the spaciousness to do so.

Interestingly,  Source  was showing me how my body (nervous system) interprets uncertainty and fear.. THANK YOU

What happened next was completely unexpected and unplanned….in other words….spontaneous….

An internal sky opened up within my consciousness.  It appeared like a vast, bluish lavender, sky with a sphere of white bliss and a glorious white long stem flower resting comfortably in the center.  Source was giving me the experience of BEING the entire depiction. I was in unity with all of existence is the best way I can describe it.  I really have no words. Think and feel Spaciousness, Clear, Breath of Fresh Air and Pure expansiveness



As Source gave me this gift to experience myself (once again since I  integrate gradually so really savor each morsel)) through the lens of Love, I am reminded to make this my north star and hold it close to my heart as I move through daily activities. That’s my integration work. To remember the truth. To remember how it felt…the whole experience.

So remember….

We come into our bodies supplied by a sacred infusion of life force. It’s ongoing throughout our entire physical life. Source energy explores and discovers more fascinations about itself through our personal expressions. We are an extension of Source. The way we move, the way we see, the way we speak, the way we share our hearts, the way we come to know ourselves as being the Love light and Laughter we were meant to radiate MATTERS! Yet, there is no correct or incorrect manner in which to express ourselves. It’s just a matter of what frequency we are exploring at any given moment.

When we experience a physical, mental, or emotional disharmony, think of that as a messenger attempting to get our attention. The pain or the discord is a way that our personal spirit is messaging us to come home to ourselves.
There is no problem. There is nothing wrong. It’s simply an aspect of us that is calling forth a deepening into self love. The levels are infinite so it’s not a game of “getting it done”. The sun aka the source within us  wants to illuminate and open us to experience our uncovered brilliance. There is a way we can take each pain and allow its transmutation just by Being with it and holding it with the reverence it deserves.

**There are times when acting “as if ” is beneficial to what we aim to create. There are also times when we might be  “pretending” for the sake of compliance and placation.
It takes courage and is such a deep personal choice to to look within and take radical responsibility.   It can all be done with loving kindness and sensitivity. 



Find some aroma or fragrance that envelopes your senses.

Submerge yourself in the scent while taking deep luxurious breaths in and out.

Add more aroma as desired to stimulate your senses. Feel the aliveness percolating inside of you.

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